Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
