oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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