How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
