I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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