Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
