Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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