So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
