even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize