My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
