dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
