Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Green mimosas i think yes
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
