Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
When did angry sex become our thing?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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