She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
We are all done wearing pants today
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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