I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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