The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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