Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
