She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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