oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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