honey bunches of taint.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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