She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
