Are we in a gay sports bar?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
