i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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