Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
he puts the penis in happiness.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
