We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
