she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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