stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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