Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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