just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
