Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
