Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
