he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
do herpes really smell.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
