Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
