She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
