Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
