This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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