You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
