I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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