She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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