I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
