We're facebook friends in real life
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
