Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You ruined the universe
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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