He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
