Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize