the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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