i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
