why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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