I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
