Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
