Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
