im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
