yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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