when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
