I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
