Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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