Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
