Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
