I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
