there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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