Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Randomize
