What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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