There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I need a burrito and a hug.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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