Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
